novembersstory

Lost and Found

Mon, 25 Sep 2006 23:00:51 GMT

Who likes their life right now?

Not I, said the rabbit.

I guess it's that time to go on one of those walks where I have an experience that helps me figure out what my life is all about.

Thu, 17 Aug 2006 04:28:59 GMT

Oh bother, this is a rather deep hole I've fallen into. Lend a hand anyone?

Read Read Read

Tue, 08 Aug 2006 06:49:56 GMT

I just went back and read about 20 old entries I had. Crazy how things have changed.

California didn't have as much as an impact on me this year as it did last year. Last year I left with a sense of independence. This year I just bonded more with my family. I want to adopt my cousins Dillon, Marty, and Summer.

I'm tired of trying to re-build a friendship that died a long time ago. It may sound harsh, but it's time to stop pretending. Someone always gives me a jump to the heart making me feel like maybe things will go back to the way they were but then after that wares off I realize how shitty things are in that department. Yeah, I'm being vague.

This summer has been really relaxing. Ashville and California were great. Also spending the rest of the time home was pretty awesome. I've had a good amount of time to myself which I've needed.

I really had something worth while to say but I'm so tired I can't seem to keep my eyes open.

I get to see Andy tomorrow =)

Mon, 19 Jun 2006 05:46:55 GMT

Andy's update made me really sad. It reminded me how close friends can drift away from eachother so quickly. I've made new friends at Cary High that I adore, but I've found that my friends from last year and earlier have been pushed under the bed. I didn't intend for that to happen and I need to fix it. Even though probably after summer things will go back the way they were before. It just seems to work out that way right?

Today was the first day for a lot of things. It was the first day that I didn't feel wormish or low when I was talking to Devon. He doesn't make a point to make someone feel low, just I found him intemidating for the longest time but today I felt like we were on the same page. I felt completely comfortable talking to him.
Today was the first day that I didn't want to die when I thought about him and his new girlfriend. I don't know why. I'm not moving on, I don't feel like I am. Maybe it's just a weird feeling. I don't know what to think or feel when it comes to him. I'd rather not do either.

California tomorrow. I've procrastinated the packing ritual long enough, I should hop on that. Hopefully I'll have a job to come back to. My interview for Panera went well today so fingers crossed. See you all on the 28th

Home

Fri, 16 Jun 2006 06:34:13 GMT

I adore this song. Even though it was just written for Uptown Girls. I think?

So I'm home from my vacation, obviously. It was okay. The few highlights there made a major impact though. Dalton and I used to talk about finding a field of daisies and just running around. Prancing, if you may. Well, two days ago I found a field. The mountains flourished with wild flowers. Nothing added up to this. Sadly, the field was going downhill so if I ran around in it I probably would have fallen downhill. Beautiful way to die if you think about it but now's not the time. The whole drive around the mountains was amazing. I really wished Joanie or someone else was with me though to enjoy it.

In Ashville I found a little shop. I got a really cool dress and a beautiful ring.

Those were the only good things, sad to say. The rest seemed kind of pointless. California will be better. Last year when I went to California, I realized who I was. Maybe this year I'll benefit from my trip again.

Joanie and I just talked for like 2 hours. Friendship rebuilding?

Umm yeah...

Mon, 12 Jun 2006 01:45:26 GMT

So it's finally summer. What I've been anticipating for months is finally here and I don't feel it. I'm in Ten. right now and I have no clue why really. I'd rather be home, sad to say. When we go back towards NC and hit the mountains things will probably be cooler. If not, I have California to look forward to.

The highlight so far is that we're in this brand new hotel and they have a swimming pool and hot tub. While Gabe, Sarah, and Ari were in the hot tub, I was just floating around in the pool. I love how people's voices sound under water. It gave time to think and just relax. I need to go swimming a lot this summer. Not the YMCA kind of swimming, like the Nadia and Joanie sneaking to a pool at midnight swimming.

Speaking of which, I miss my skrink.

Subject:

Wed, 07 Jun 2006 00:36:48 GMT

So I find that the one song I'll listen to for a long period of time usually is singing a message to me that I usually don't see until it's too late. When I was obsessed with Martha My Dear, it's all about a silly girl who can't see what's good for her even when he's two feet in front of her. I have other excamples but I'm too lazy to list them now. I'm looking for some possitive songs right now that'll sing me what I want to hear. Kinda lame but whatever.

Two days.

Sun, 28 May 2006 06:32:54 GMT

Summer is hanging on a string just a few inches away from my reach. I hate that exams are on the last few days of school. I've already given up, my grades have slipped a bit this quater. I'm longing for the break but there is still EOC review then of course, teh EOCs. Damnit.

Nothing much has changed. I've lost a friend that was dear to me. I'm supposed to erase about 3/4s of my freshman year but that's not going to happen. I started an Improv Club... Yeah

My life is amazing!

Fuck it

Sun, 23 Apr 2006 18:22:30 GMT

I'll hold on to false hope
It's the only thing I've got

Well it's been a long day, yeah, whatever.

Tue, 18 Apr 2006 21:33:03 GMT

Good God I havn't realized how long it's been since I've updated.

I'm single once again. I didn't realize how much this would change my 'lifestyle.' I feel really uncomfotable around some people now, basically the friends I made from being with Dalton. Is that the rule? If you break up with someone you're not allowed to talk to the friends you made through them? If so, I want to vedo it because it whomps. He's completely changed since then, I feel like I ran though his house with a tommy gun and shot Zonker, Louis, Zack, Louis again, then Mrs. Harris. I'm treated like a filthy criminal that doesn't deserve to be in his presence. (all of this stuff before this statement was written like three days ago, this is new) I just talked to him today. I've heared a lot of bad stuff is going around. Fights and shit with friends. Of course I still care so I wanted to help him through it and I end up being yelled at and to shut the fuck up basically. I cant believe how fast a person can change and I hate that I'm in one of those break up where the two people hate eachother. Or atleast one of them does. Oh well, life goes on.

I really want to make an A in both of my Paideia classes but I'm already on the wrong track. Because I went to a private school, I didn't take the "Wake County" end of school test they wanted me to. Last week I had to miss first and second period for two days. We had notes on WWI the day before so I thought I was set for the test Monday but apparently she told us to do other reading on it Friday and expected me to just know to do it. I know this is probally pointless bitching but I'm just bummed that I'm starting off my first test with I'm guessing a D and I want an A in that class. Woop-de-doo.

That's it really. How's everyone else?

The sad part is, I had this all in my head last night but forgot it now...

Wed, 25 Jan 2006 01:41:23 GMT

Their is a certain smile he has which morphs his eyes into silk screens. They allow me to see what is real. You. Me. Life. Love. They show me what I need. Thank you.

Joanie

Mon, 23 Jan 2006 23:43:54 GMT

"Nadia-
I can't believe your (yes joanie, you made a mistake!) leaving me! You're so lucky you get to be homeschooled! *nudge nudge* School wont be anything CLOSE to the same without you. You always stood up for your opinions =) Of course, we are definatly hanging out still! Yet it wont be the same =( You are honestly one of the coolest people I know and I hope we stay friends for as long as possible."

And we still are =)

Sat, 21 Jan 2006 06:05:10 GMT

Last Tuesday I had my moment. Almost as if I was reborn. Lately my life has been spent following the deep footsteps I have left for myself. I used to search for more. The whole reason why we are here is to search for more, to grow and all I have been doing is playing it safe. Going to school and spending my weekends doing cliche teenage things that were planned the weekend before. I loved my old lifestyle of just going with it. Anyway, going back to the main point. I was swinging on the swings by Cary High with Dalton, Rachel, and Devon. At the time, Devon was swinging next to me and Dalton and Rachel were having a swing battle. Tuesday was beautiful, the weather was perfect. I was obsorbing the great day and staring straight forward at the ancient tree and all the sudden Dalton's words started fading and all I concentrated on was the tree and Devons shoes swinging in and out of my vision. It was just complete bliss. I started thinking about my life and where I am right now and when I came to my conclusion, I didn't like it. I feel like I've been ignoring life, I havnt been observing everything that I should.

If I could, I think I would permantaly live outside. Certain things about the outdoors trigger who I am, I can't explain it. Being cooped up inside spending hours addicted to machines isn't helping me appreciate life. I'm going go to on more walks and do new things just so I'll go back on the right track. I'm so happy Joanie and I are talking again because she makes me realize who I am. Don't ge me wrong, I'm not saying I change for her or anything but she's one person I can truely, completely be myself with. She always makes me feel like we're on the same page, doing the same things. It's hard to explain, like everything else.

ABC

Tue, 20 Dec 2005 20:11:53 GMT

Wow it's been a while since I've updated.

Still doing the same goddamn thing
over
and over
and over
and over

Hopefully if I get involved with How To Succeed things will get better.

Bye.

Oh what a world

Wed, 23 Nov 2005 00:39:14 GMT

I hate the days when I realize that I am just like every other teenager my age. Following the same agenda. The same steps. There really is no purpose right now for us. Just enjoy the pointless routine. I keep on thinking there is more so much more but there isn't. You have friends to keep you entertained and if you're lucky you find love but there really isnt a point to it all. There's no need for me to search anymore.

I miss my camera. I keep on seeing things that I need to click at. To save. My camera was almost like my escape. Even if I was taking a picture of my toe it was my own, no one elses.

This makes no sense.

The obligation to make an update should be destroyed considering it's either boring, pointless, stupid, or doesn't make any day.

Happy Thanksgiving.

You.

Sat, 12 Nov 2005 05:56:42 GMT

A dear friend of the family attempted to kill himself a week ago. He was released from Holly Hill yesterday. Saw him today. Said Holly Hill was more of a home then his house is. That made me sad.

He finally got what he wanted. He finally reached his goal. Congratulations you filthy bastard.

I hate it when people think you arnt reading their journals because you don't comment.

I hate it when you correct me.

As for good things...

=) Sarah Morris is going to be my sister-in-law

Maybe my dreams do mean somthing.

I'm crazy about the boy. Love? Yes.

Layers of comforters will make my day.

Chris told me to

Tue, 08 Nov 2005 22:15:13 GMT

1) I am an extreame procrastinator and wish it would stop.

2) Love is a major aspect in my life. I have to feel like I'm getting it from basically everyone, it's kind of lame.

3) My brother Josh is dead.

4) I have the a very strong urge to get an industrial.

5) My dream is to jump in a car with a camera and just follow the highway. Drive by night to pass the city lights, sleep in the day like an owl. I'd want to do all of this by bike but I am far too lazy.

6) A fist punches me from inside of my chest when I think about the following: Gabe being at NCS. Lon, Josh, Lyssa, and Belinda not being at my house every weekend. Chris and Lindsey graduating. Loosing someone else that I hold dear. Where I am right now. Getting out of highschool. Being in highschool. I must have a fear of growing up? Everyone's crossing the finish line when I'm just starting.

7) I love fall.

8) A swing set is my second home.

9) Last year I had a re-accuring dream of falling from a tall office building, getting caught at random windows by people I knew then getting pushed back out. Random.

10) I cant think of anything.

Summary

Tue, 01 Nov 2005 20:34:22 GMT

So, here's a lame post

♥ Death Cab for Cutie show was really great with the exceptions of a possey of giants jumped infront of me.
♥ I'm so happy this is a new quater, new slate. I need to re-start my grades.
♥ Eating many Hershey bars finally paid off, I got my two random shirts
♥ Joanie and I need to go on a spontaneous adventure. "Borrow" a car and see where the highway takes us.
♥ I really, really like him.
♥ I miss Gabe's presence at home.
♥ I think Ari's inlove with my boyfriend.
♥ I may have to call up my Godfather to take care of Mrs. Hellinger.
♥ Rachel and Watson are my heros
♥ ODing on candy is bad why?

I dont like this teenage rebelion thing I have in my head. It's the stupidist thing. I'll come home like "Hey, I feel like being a good kid and cleaning my room up a bit and doing my homework before I go to bed!" but then I'll walk through the door and get "NADIA CLEAN YOUR ROOM AND DO YOUR WORK" and I'l be like Pssh fuck that. Gah.

Just killing time until I have to clean

Sun, 30 Oct 2005 17:41:18 GMT

001. Name: Nadia
002. Your Nickname: Errr skrink/skrod, binky barns (parents), pops.
003. Middle Name: Mi Jin
004. Place of Birth: Cary, North Carolina
005. Zodiac Sign: capricorn
006. Male or Female: female
007. Your last name: Pappalardo
008. School: Cary High
009. Birthday: January 14th
010. Residence: cary, nc
011. Screen Name: paint a negative

__Your Appearance___
012. Hair Color: brown
013. Hair Long or Short: medium
014. Eye Color: brown
015. How do your nails look: chipped blue/purple
016. Height: 5'5"
017. Do you have a crush on someone: ha, if you'd call it a crush. i think it's a bit more.
018. Do you like yourself: at times
019. Smile: creepy anime half moon eyes
020. Think your skinny: no haha
021. Piercings: 1
022. Tattoo: not yet
023. Righty or Lefty: righty

___Your 'Firsts'___
024. First Kiss: Truth or Dare
026. First best friend(s): Rachel Schlink
027. First award: Tallent Show
028. First sport you joined: Basketball
030. First vacation : Apparently Flordia when I was like 3
031. First Concert: Don't remember

___ Favorites___
033. Movie: Garden State, Amelie, A Hard Days Night, much more.
034. TV Shows: That 70's show
035. Color: Green
036. Band: The Beatles
037. Song: currently: Specialist - Interpol
038. Food: French Fries
039. Drink: Coke or Propel
040. Candy: Lolipops, gummy bears, smarties, you name it i love it
041. Sport To Play: basketball and softball
043. Favorite Brand: Of what?
045. University: Probally ncsu
046. Animal: T-Rex. I dont know.
047. Books: don't have a favorite
048. Magazines: Don't read them

___Currently___
049. Eating: nothing
050. Drinking: nothing but i'm thirsty
051. Money in pocket?: no
052. Online?: yeah
053. Listening to: Interpol
054. Thinking About: A certian someone
055. Wanting to: Get a drink/talk to him
056. Watching: The letters magically appear on the screen
057. Wearing: shorts and a shirt
_Your Future_
058. Want Kids?: Maybe.
059. Want to Get Married?: If I can ever trust the guy enough.
060. Careers in Mind: Interior Designer

__Which is Better With The Opposite Sex___
067. Cute or Sexy: Haha err. Both. I want certain things at certain times.
068. Lips or Eyes: Gah. Both :)
069. Hugs or Kisses: Kisses...and hugs.
070. Short or Tall: Tall
071. Easy-going or serious: Easy-Going but knows when to be serious
072. Romantic or Spontaneous: Romantic and Spontaneous. Ah, dont you love my answers?
073. Muscular or Skinny: In between
075. Hook-up or Relationship: Relationship
076. Sweet or Caring: Caring more than sweet
077. Trouble Maker or Hesitant one: trouble maker

___Have You Ever___
078. Kissed a Stranger: yes
079. Drank Bubbles: no
080. Lost glasses/contacts: no
081. Ran Away From Home: yes when I was like 4
083. Got an X-ray: yes
084. Broken Someones Heart: yes
085. Broke Up With Someone: yes
087. Cried When Someone Died: yes
088. Cried At School: yes

___Do You Believe In___
089. God: I don't know.
090. Miracles: Sort of
091. Love At First Sight: Crush at first sight
092. Ghosts: Err idk
093. Aliens: No
095. Heaven: Possibly some sort of after life
096. Hell: Certainly not.
098. Kissing on The First Date: If you want to why not?
099. Horoscopes: Kind of.

___Answer Truthfully___
100. Is There Someone You Want? I already have him ♥

A tribute to The Curious Savage

Sun, 23 Oct 2005 18:37:50 GMT

The Curious Savage

Director - Carol Loots
Student Director - Bekka Evens

The Guests
Florence - Meghan Porter
Hanniable - Aaron Perigo
Fairy May - Kat Sinha
Jeffrey - Grant Urben
Mrs. Paddy - Nadia Pappalardo

The Family
Titus - Billy Rydberg
Lily Belle - Becki Murison
Samuel - Bobby Cassell
Mrs. Savage - Maura Clement

To do a somewhat short summary of the shows, I think our opening night was our best. The audience laughed quite a bit. The 2:00 on Saturday was quite stressful with the ac thing making so much noise and having to improv two parts... My parents, Ari, Joanie, and Ashely came on Thursday. I got roses from Ashley and my rents. On Friday Dalton came and brought me roses and some gifts. Lindsey and Rachel saw the 2:00 on Satuday and so did Mr. Jesse. Apparently, I made him cry =)

The cast party was awesome. Enough said.

I'm really going to miss having play rehersals. I made a ton of great friends in the cast & crew so this sucks. Atleast I'll be with some of them next semester in Drama 3. Yeah, I started this earlier when I had more to say and now I'm just tired.

CS '05

Subject:

Tue, 18 Oct 2005 19:54:15 GMT

There was once a little orange monster that lived in my math room. His day was completely centered around getting off the chair. He ran back and forth from the bars on the bottom trying to find his way out. Everday I'd look over and he'd still be there. I've neglected him for a while now. Today I looked over at his chair and he was gone. He either escaped or died trying. I kind of miss having him in the classroom to keep me entertained...

I couldnt really concentrate today in school. I'm running on about 2 1/2 hours of sleep so taking notes in class was a negative. Plus, I had other things/people on my mind.

I will never, ever get sick of Ben Finns jewish humor.

So Joanie will stop bitching.

Tue, 18 Oct 2005 02:57:47 GMT

Yeah so I just got home 10 minuets ago from play rehersals. No joke.

Today was pretty cool.

♥A math test that I thought I was going to fail played a joke on me and turned into a 93.
♥I'm Coach Warden's favorite.
♥For the first time ever, Mr. Yassick yelled at me.

After school today I took a different path than riding the bus home. I decided to go on a hunt for Devon with Dalton and Matt. We finally found him then we headed over to Dalton's so they could jam. It was a total cliche moment. Teenage boy garage band, nice. I kind of became anti-social though... I was really nervous and ended up staring at my shoes until I was assigned to do somthing. Then I headed off to play rehersals

Doing make up and hair for me took about an hour and a half. I felt like a toy doll being propped up and poked with pins and eyeliner. The play will hopefully be a hit. Everyone's put in so much, I really hope it works out. Tomorrow (for the Cary High kids) you'll see our sad attempt of a commercial and me trying to hold a camera straight...

For anyone who's interested in going, IM me or e-mail me (paint_a_negative@yahoo.com) for tickets. It's Thurs. to Saturday at 7:30 and there's also a 2:00 on Saturday. Tickets are $6. Please come!

Happy One Week...?

There is a castle on a cloud...

Thu, 13 Oct 2005 05:46:48 GMT

Yes, I can sleep sound tonight because Dalton has sang me a lullaby =)

Long time no see...

Sun, 09 Oct 2005 07:29:02 GMT

I hate missing days of school. I hate whenever I have a problem I would rather burry my head in the sand and wait it out then face it head on. Well, with school that is.

I had a dumbass moment on Thursday night. It was really late and I was mad tired and was about to go to bed until an annoying voice in my head told me to check if I did all of my homework. I look in my History binder to double check when our project is due and it said "Friday, October 14th." I glanced over at my calander and freaked out thinking that that would be tomorrow. I go downstairs holding the paper in my hand and run into my dad. I tell him the problem and he tells me I can stay home and just work on it all day. Comforting, but still it sucks doing all that make up work. I wake up the next morning at like 12 and my mom's there and kind of scolds me for not being more careful. I fight back and say "Well it's our first project. I didnt think they'd make it due on the 14th!" Mom: "Nadia, the 14th is next Friday..." Me: "I'll jump in the shower." Yeah so I missed a vocabulary quiz and other shit over nothing. I made it to fourth period though and went to play rehersals. They went really well. It seemed like everyone was focused and ready for once.

This weekend has had it's ups and downs. I hung out with Gabe, Josh, Lon, Chris, Belinda, and Lyssa Friday night. It's been a while since I've seen them all on the same day. I had a somewhat short visit with Joanie and Lon today.

Just doing my LiveJournal duties.

Sick?

Fri, 30 Sep 2005 18:13:04 GMT

For the past two day's I've been at home sick. Yesterday I felt as if an atomic bomb was going off in my head the entire day. I felt as if there was no way in hell I could make it to school the next day. When I woke up this morning I felt somewhat groggy but I bet if I pushed myself I could have made it to school. Oh well. I think my mom has been enjoying my company. We're on the same level that we were on when I was homeschooled. She's sick too (we seriously got it at the same time) so we've just been hanging out. Ever since I got into Cary High I feel like our relationship has gotten better so I'm greatful for that.

Gabe just walked through the door about two seconds ago :) He's been talking to me for about two weeks now and I've never been happier. I know I screwed everything up before with -you know- so I'm so glad Gabe's talking to me again.

St. Michaels Internation Fair is going on today and tomorrow. I hope my dad will take us to go again. It's not really exciting or anything but it's a tradition.

I really have nothing exciting to talk about just am bored.

P.S. The Postal Service is amazing.